


Afraid

by imcoolurnot



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/M, SKAM - Freeform, mentions of the girl squad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 02:46:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10653318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imcoolurnot/pseuds/imcoolurnot
Summary: Sana is not afraid of being alone. She's not afraid of the darkness that scares most of her friends because it's always here, somewhere deep inside her chest, creeping and waiting for a chance to come out. She's not afraid of the silence hovering over her body because it feels familiar, as if they were made out of the same material, made of something that other people simply do not understand.





	Afraid

Sana is not afraid of being alone. She's not afraid of the darkness that scares most of her friends because it's always here, somewhere deep inside her chest, creeping and waiting for a chance to come out. She's not afraid of the silence hovering over her body because it feels familiar, as if they were made out of the same material, made of something that other people simply do not understand.  
She likes to think that she's different, that she doesn't fear anything at all, but that's not true. That's just something people tend to think when they see her dark silhouette wandering across the streets. People also tend to recognize her face, her plump lips and dark eyes, but she doesn't need to know that. They see her as a queen, a goddess, someone who cannot be bothered and it hurts sometimes. They think that she's mysterious, that she's not one of them and Sana is used to that by now. She's used to her friends not understanding her needs, she's used to Vilde asking questions that may see offensive and she's also used to answering them with a soft smile of her lips. It gets hard sometimes. And sometimes she just dreams of someone who could understand. Of someone who would listen to her voice without interrupting, of someone who would recognize her mind. But although it's something that she dreams of, it's also something she's so afraid of.  
She fears that someone could actually see her the way she really is, she's afraid that someone might see how vulnerable and lonely she actually is.  
So when Yousef finally comes along, with his brown eyes filled with sadness and his soft smile, Sana gets scared. They don't talk much at first. It's just simple " hellos" and "goodbyes" that fill her chest with an unfamiliar happiness, so everytime Elias says that someone is coming over, she secretly wishes that it's him. He understands her. They don't talk much and they don't even need to. It's his stare that lingers on her voice for a second too long, it's his smile that lights up his whole face when he sees her that lets Sana believe that he understands her.  
Her friends know nothing about it and, although, if they asked she would tell, it makes her weirdly excited. It's as if they are sharing a secret, a weird bond that other people can neither see or understand. She's used to her friends talking about boys. She knows about Vilde's sex life way too much and she also knows that Noora is hurt, even though the blonde never said a word about it. Sana sees the sadness in her eyes and she wants to help, to talk, but she stays quiet as if her lips are sealed. She knows a lot of things. That's the only perk of being that quiet muslim girl who never has any stories to share. It's just that after all of those years observing others, Sana wishes for someone who would observe her, who would notice if there's something wrong, because her friends clearly do not. But she's not the one to blame them. It's her fault that sometimes she's too shy, it's her fault that she doesn't let her guards down.  
But Yousef notices. They don't talk that much but Sana knows that he does. Sometimes he asks if everything is alright and, although, she says that it is, the simple question fills her heart with hope. Some things aren't okay and she doesn't want to talk about it, but it means a lot to her that someone cares. She doesn't know how to say thank you, so the next time they eyes meet she just smiles. Her smile is soft and warm and Yousef smiles back and everything seems just fine.  
Except it's not fine. Sana is lost in her own mind, she's lost between two very different worlds and although she wants to be a part of both of them, sometimes it feels like she's just not enough. Its dumb and she knows it, but her heart hurts each and every time. She wants her friends to know that sometimes she's hurt by their actions and words, but she doesn't want them to think that she's being over dramatic. Her culture is so much different than their culture and it hurts. It hurts being so close to them,but also being so far away from everything that they believe in. She wants to talk to them but she doesn't know why.  
And then Yousef strikes again. He comes to her room to ask her if she's hungry and sees her crying. Her black mascara stained her cheeks and she's breathing heavily, so he just sits next to her and they start talking and after that Sana isn't so afraid anymore. Because he understands. Because he made her believe that they would too.  
The next morning she actually talks to her friends. Vilde starts crying but she stays calm and collected like always and they seem to actually understand what she means. They seem like they understand that she's fighting a battle they know nothing about it and it makes her happy. And thankful.  
This time she actually thanks Yousef and his face lights up. It's like that simple conversation brought them closer, bonded them over something that no one else can be a part of.  
The idea of it makes her happy, fills her chest with an unusual warmth but she's not complaining. Mainly because now she actually has someone who **understands** and admires her from far away. And she doesn't need anything else because now she's full of love and happines and, although, she still stares at him with that weird admiration, everything is different now. She's not afraid anymore. But maybe that's okay. Maybe it was just the right time for a change, she thinks, just as she catches him looking at her. Because, well, some things never change.

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of thoughts, so I simply wrote them down. Hopefully, you'll reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. Let me know what you think!
> 
> Come talk to me on [tumblr](https://sanabakkcrush.tumblr.com/)


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